Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
