Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
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