Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I wish you could order shots online.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
