Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
