Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
