The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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