i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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