The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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