He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Randomize
