like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
