I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
