I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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