I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
