I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
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