Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
