break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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