I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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