I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
