so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
