Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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