Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Sext me about skeletons
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
