it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
