I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
