My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
