I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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