My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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