Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
