I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
