Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
