it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
