Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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