i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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