broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
