half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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