I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize