I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
