im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Porn is love you can see.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
