We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
