there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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