he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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