I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize