dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
wanna go halves on a baby?
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
