If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
