dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
