This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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