i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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