fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
