when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
