I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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