It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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