i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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