So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
