The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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