Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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