So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Also, beer. Big fan.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
