she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
