He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
