wrigley field is MILF paradise
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
