On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
