is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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