I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
