why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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