JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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