hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
