I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
