Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.

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(212): View more from New York

Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.

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(254): View more from Texas

There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.

(512): View more from Texas

That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.

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(512): View more from Texas

Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.

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(314): View more from Missouri

Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.

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(757): View more from Virginia

I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.

(1-757): View more from Virginia

…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car

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(686): View more from

I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?

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(623): View more from Arizona

and then she asked if she could shave my junk

(443): View more from Maryland

and howd that go?

(623): View more from Arizona

can you pick me up from the hospital?

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(618): View more from Illinois

We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.

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