i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
