If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
