Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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