5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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