I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Randomize
