so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
