dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
