omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
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