one word: firstdatebathroomanal
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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