i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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