And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
