just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
